The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, Vol. 2

AWARDS SEASON IS OVER.

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This very much depresses me. Months upon months until this glorious time of year graces us again. I suppose all there is to do now is to look back and reminisce on what truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

My Favorite People

Not one person this award season seem to be having a who gives a fuck good time like Emma Thompson.

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When I’m at a party, I’m typically the one with a drink in one hand and my shoes in the other, so me and Emma? We seem like we’d get along famously.

Speaking of getting along famously…

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Please, oh please you dapper gents, let me drink cocktails and snap dance with you!

The Best Hosts EVER

Once again, Tina and Amy reign supreme. They had the jokes:

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And the bits:

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Poor Randy! Who wouldn’t want this man to be their daddy… (I know I do, *wink*)

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Back to the ladies though, can we just check out these dresses?

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Hot. Damn. Very well played, ladies. Let’s just please go ahead and sign them up to host everything forever and ever.

The Best Speech

For every cringe worthy ‘Alright, alright, alright’ uttered by Matthew McConaughey, there was the stunning and wonderful Lupita Nyong’o. Her joy and sincerity was absolute perfection.

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And good ol’ Leo, always the bridesmaid, never the bride. At least he kept his humor about him when he accepted his Golden Globe for…comedy?

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Kudos to you, Leo. It can’t be easy to keep one’s spirit up while watching Matthew McConaughey run off with every other award of the season while you are stuck sitting in your chair thinking about how years from now Hollywood will probably make a movie of your life, your amazing career, and your inability to win an Oscar…and how the actor who plays you will probably win an Oscar for that role.

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Best Award Show Couples

I love them so much, it’s kind of creepy.

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I love the idea of them so much, it’s kind of creepy.

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And, really, I wish these two would just try and look a little more in love with each other…

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Awards Season Covet: Great Hair

The ombre. The perfect beach waves.The shine. Teach me your ways! Jared Leto’s hair is EVERYTHING.

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The only person with hair more beautiful and flowing? Jared Leto’s mom. Talk about great genes.

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PIXIE CUTS!!! Will this obsession ever go away?

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Best Dressed

And now for the part I truly love… FASHION.

Three things I took away from the Oscars red carpet: 1) I need Olivia Wilde’s dress for my post-pasta belly (which is now just about the size of her ridiculously petite baby belly). 2) Amy Adams, and all other redheads, should wear navy at all times. And 3) Naomi Watts is creeping her way into my style icon top five. I love her sleekness and simplicity.

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While there weren’t tons of dresses at the big show I was crazy about, there were quite a few after party frocks that delighted me to no end. These looks are so gorgeous, there are some I wish people would have worn to the ceremony (yes, I’m looking at you Kate and Anna). Evan Rachel Wood’s overall look is so flapper chic, and the color against her skin is so perfect, she may be my favorite of the whole season.

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At the Globes, Amy once again knocks it out of the park. Those strips of fabric seem to be defying gravity. Personally, I can’t ever imagine walking out the house with so little covering my body, but then again, I am not rockin’ the body Amy is rockin’. I also love that she didn’t over accessorize this. Helen Mirren and Margot Robbie both look lovely in shades of turquoise, and Rashida Jones and Julianna Margulies were looking perfect in their prints. (Also, Rashida gets points for her top knot. I’m a sucker for a good top knot.)

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I follow Juliette Lewis on Instagram and she seems to be a wacky and wild gal, but damn does she know how to clean up good. Not just at the Critics’ Choice, but at every show there seemed to be more red than usual happening this year and this was one of the best. I also seem to be growing increasingly fond of cap sleeves. Probably because it’s not a look I can pull off particularly well. And speaking of looks almost no one can pull off well, how about that pantsuit? Also, is it just me or does Margot Robbie look a lot like a softer featured version of Jamie Pressly?

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Over at the SAG awards, the Elisabeths were killing it. Moss and Rohm, respectively, brought totally different looks, but each equally as gorgeous. I love a star who knows how to hold off on the accessories. If the dress looks great, why distract from it?

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LUPITA! Oh, Lupita, you brought so much fashion joy this awards season. I’m mad about this color on her, and the gold cuffs and belt? PERFECTION. I have decided that Cate Blanchett should wear black at all times. I have always coveted her porcelain skin and light eyes so anytime she dresses in black I can’t help but swoon. And as much as I love these two ladies, I have the exact opposite feelings for Mrs. Brange. It SO pains me to say this, but, I will swallow my dislike for her and freely admit, Angelina brought. it. to the BAFTAs. Not many women could pull off this look, but I think it’s the exact swagger I dislike about her so much that makes this look work. So just for one night, Angie, you get a pass!

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Over at the Emmys there was more cap sleeves! More red! I’m beginning to feel the way about Robin Wright in black as I do about Cate Blanchett. If I had my way I would turn these two into goth chicks just to keep them in black at all times. (Also, I would like to know exactly what Cate and Robin do to have skin so flawless. Human sacrifice? Voodoo spells? Show me your ways!)

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This year it wasn’t just the women bringing their fashion A game. This year the men were on point as well. Ever since Paul Rudd rocked one in “I Love You, Man” I wondered, why don’t more men wear navy tuxedos? Well, this year, I finally got my wish! Well done, men. Very well done.

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A Case of the Annes

Now, what is an awards season without some ANNE FUCKING HATHAWAY? Thankfully, this year was fairly Anne-free. And, even when she did rear her insipid head, Jared Leto was there, ready to save the day…

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Again, I refuse to let this head on a stick ruin my this most glorious time of year, so, to end on a high note…

BEARDS!

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Beards, glorious beards!

Thank you men for the beards. Thank you designers for the dresses. Thank you Anne for being awful. And thank you Hollywood for needing to validate each other with countless awards! Now, sadly, the wait for 2015 is on.

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The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It’s no secret that I love award season. Maybe not even just love, it may even border on obsession. Regardless, it’s my favorite time of the year. In general, I I am a person who is most always up on celebrity gossip, love fashion, and also consider myself to be a bit of a movie buff, so how could I not love award season?!

Well, now that the Superbowl of award season, The Oscars, is over I’m already going through a bit of withdrawal. So allow me to regal you with some of my favorite things about these award season, because yes, it was a good’un!

My Favorite People

WHO DOESN’T LOVE THIS WOMAN?!?

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Oh yeah, this girl…badeleThe only person who seemed to enjoy everything about award season, probably including the amazing Adele, is this old coot:
aatommyThese two girls though are loving life, and I absolutely love them back.aaloveheraaloveher2

The Best Hosts EVER

If anyone out there doesn’t like these women, well, they probably aren’t reading this right now.bbesthostWho doesn’t just love seeing this randomly pop up during the acting categories?bbesthost3Or women who make this joke:bbesthostgJAMESCAMERONGLOBESMEMEI think ol’ Bill has it right,bbesthost2

A runner up to my favorite host is this dreamboat:bbesthost44And also, a good pair of presenters should never go unnoticed either,bbesthostgoodpresent

Best Speech

Now, there were a lot of great speeches. Jennifer Lawrence blew it out of the park with every win, and who knew Daniel Day Lewis had jokes? But, my favorite by far was from Argo’s Best Picture win. I may be a little biased, because I have a soft spot for Ben Affleck, but this? This is perfect:

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And part of what makes it so great is this reaction:benwife

God help me, I love this couple and if they ever get divorced I will probably require more therapy than either of them. But, speaking of couples, here’s a few of my other favorites…

Best Award Show Couples

I LOVE THAT THIS IS HAPPENING! If I can’t have him, I’m pleased as pie that she does. This couple interests me to no end, and mainly because I keep wondering if they work out together, and if so, who benches more?Skinnygirl Cocktails at the Critics' Choice Movie Awards 201385th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I’m hearing that this isn’t happening, romantically anyway. But damnit, I want it to be! Throughout most of Zero Dark Thirty I kept waiting for there to be a sexy interlude between the two, and I was denied. Looks like I am now denied again in real life. Or am I…coupleoscar1

coupleoscar2Not only do I love this couple, but Naomi Watts is wearing my favorite dress from the Oscars. I have a feeling very few people could pull this look off, but I’ve never seen her look better. The hair and makeup are fierce and the dress fits her perfectly and is out there without being too outrageous. Oh yeah, Liev doesn’t look too shabby either.

Now that I’ve brought up the dress…

Best Dressed

While I absolutely adore the girl (seriously, the girl crush is getting a bit out of control at this point) her actual Oscar dress wasn’t anything to write home about…minus the fact it was responsible for her tripping up the stairs. But this dress? This dress is what she should’ve worn to the big show, not the after party. GORGE.coupleoscardresspostshow

My favorite frock from the Critics Choice:critics

Again, the fit is perfect. The lace cutouts are tasteful but still sexy. And that coral is a dream for her coloring.

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Speaking of color! This was by far the most beautiful thing I saw at the IFC Spirit Awards. At a show where people usually go casual, this sexy, classy gorgeousness. This is everything I would love to find in a dress (phew, first girl crushing, now dress crushing too? So be it.). There is nothing about this dress that I don’t like. It makes her look like a bronzed goddess. (Oh wait, she is…)

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Marion Cotillard is the very reason I wish I were French. She is so chic it kills me. Her hair is fabulous and gets me thisclose to taking scissors to my hair (DON’T DO IT! Must keep reminding myself, this cut will not be my friend, as it is hers.). As for the dress, the second I saw her on the SAG red carpet, I knew it would be my favorite. It is beautifully made, the colors are so crisp and bold next too each other, and I absolutely love the draping in the front. She’s fabulous, end of story.

And speaking of fabulous… Not only was she an amazing host, she was the best dressed (without even wearing a dress!) at the Golden Globes.70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

If I were Will Arnett, I’d be kicking myself looking at this picture.TOO MUCH SEXINESS! The open jacket paired with the necklace is pure sex on a platter. She seems to ooze confidence in this, as she should.

Now, not everything about this season was good. But, nothing can be perfect right? There is always that one cloud burdening your perfect sunny day. That cloud this year? ANNE FUCKING HATHAWAY. Most who read this know my (extensive) thoughts on her, so I won’t go into detail here. Even without my general distaste for her, she would still be my cloud. Her false sense of humble-pie-look-at-my-big-giant-huge-eyes was mildly annoying with the first win, but by the time the Oscars got around I literally gave myself an eye spasm from rolling them so hard. When I heard this line:zanne-hathaway-self-doubt-thumb-500x281-59424

All I could hear is this:zanne

But, ya know, let’s not let this head on a stick ruin the whole party. Best to end my favorite time of the year on a high note…

BEARDS!

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Beards, glorious beards!

And of course, there’s this…

BEST AWARD SEASON WRAP UP SHOW

Jimmy Kimmel’s post Oscar show is always a hoot. But this year? This year he took it to a whole new level, and that level is Channing Tatum.verybest

God bless you, Channing.

So there you have it, dear readers. A few of my favorite things from my most favorite time of the year. And now the torturous wait for the 2014 season begins…

People, we have a problem…

There are truly many unpunished crimes happening in the world. Some petty, some more severe. But there is one that I can just no longer stand to let go unnoticed.
Yes. I am talking about crimes of fashion.
Fashion crimes happen every day. No community is truly safe (well, perhaps a nudist colony. A fashion faux pas would be hard to come across in that setting) and while the fashion police are out there, it is hard to stay vigilant with so many crimes being committed on a daily basis.
I will be the first to admit, I’m no angel myself. I have sinned once or twice in my lifetime, sporting oversized men’s t shirts, short shorts, giant tube socks, and sneakers for almost the entire summer before 7th grade (this was nothing compared to the floral leggings, oversized tops, and matching floral scrunchie phase of ’91. Yes, oversized tops, I’m seeing a pattern here). But I’ve worked diligently to reform and become an upstanding member of the fashion community. And while I have not been formally deputized as part of the fashion police, I am not afraid to point out a crime in progress when I see it.
So please, men and women of the world (and men and women dressing the children of the world), PLEASE take note of the most egregious of these crimes and maybe together we can put a stop to this madness.
1. Sandals and socks
Face it, this could be
anyone’s father…

Yes, summer is near. Your feet are feeling a little frisky and hoping to get some sandal action in soon. Well people, if your feet are not sandal ready and need to be encased by socks in order to put said sandals on…DO NOT WEAR SANDALS! Stick to close-toed shoes. You are doing yourself, and those looking at you, a favor. The worst of this offense is the sandal, sock, shorts combination. Man, woman, or child, you are doing nothing to help the illusion of a long and lean leg by cutting your calf of with a sock and, at the same time, cutting your thigh off with a short. Seriously, what about this is appealing? Answer: NOTHING.

2. Rompers, short shorts, onesies, micro minis and other items that do not cover an adequate amount of leg.
Just say no to camel toe.
Speaking of summer and ways to avoid the heat…Shorts. Skirts. Dresses. All items acceptable to assist in beating soaring tempatures. Ladies, I know some of you have amahzing legs, and yes, as a woman who isn’t totally in love with her gams, perhaps I’m just a touch jealous. But, not jealous enough to allow these half pants to keep running rampant. Just because Forever 21/H&M/Charlotte Russe decides to put out these items of clothing does NOT mean that they need to purchased and introduced into the general public. And parents, for Pete’s sake, please start ensuring that at least ALL of your daughter’s buttcheek is covered before leaving the house. Unless it is a swimming suit (and for some women, even a lengthy swimming suit bottom should be put into use) the 3-4 inches past your butt cheek should be covered at all times. It is a mere 4 inches…I think it’s okay to leave at least that much to the imagination.
3. Jorts
Is this the outfit
of your dream man?
While we are on the shorts-related subject, let’s discuss jorts. Yes, men’s jean shorts. Never has a man’s leg garments turned me off so quickly. Whether it be far too short cut-off’s or far too long ass-sagging ankle shorts, a man should really do his best to avoid all forms of denim short pants. If it’s not a full length jean, please, avoid denim on your lower half at all costs, men of the world. You will only end up looking like one of these fools…
 4. Denim on denim.
No, even JT can’t work this.
And on the topic of this rugged cotton twill we have one of the top offenses, in my book. Denim on denim. If you are not the Marlboro Man out on his ranch wranglin’ up cattle, there is truly no reason for a denim on denim combo. It’s as easy as this; if you are wearing jeans, put on a white cotton shirt. If you are wearing a jean shirt (I slightly cringe as I type this) wear a nice khaki short. If you feel the need to jump back in time to a Bon Jovi concert circa 1988 and slip on a super hot jean jacket, pair it with a fitted black cotton dress. Oh, and people? Wearing two, or even three, different washes of denim isn’t fooling anyone. This is not a look to force upon the public’s eye.
 5. Camo
This photo comes from a site called “Elegant
Wedding Concepts” because, yes, nothing screams
elegance like matching camo…
And on things being forced to be seen, we have my most heinous offense: CAMO. Sir in the camo hat, camo tshirt, and camo cargo shorts? You ARE NOT rendering yourself invisible. In no way will wearing those items enable you to sneak past security, on into the ladies locker room for a lookie-loo. We see you. We see you, and we LAUGH. And other sir, the one also in head to toe camo for “hunting purposes”? In no way is that get up helping you blend into the wild anymore than, say, a solid brown pants and a solid green shirt would. No deer is walking around out there, looking at a man wearing to solid, neutral colors saying, “Look at this asshole! He’s NOT wearing CAMO! Doesn’t he know I can see him pointing that giant rifle at me?!”.
I’d like to put this challenge out there to everyone…
If you ever happen to see a person walking down the street wearing crocs sandals, socks, denim short shorts, a camo shirt, and an acid wash jean jacket, PLEASE make a citizen’s arrest. You are doing it for the good of mankind!

     * A side note here, if you are in fact in head to toe camo because you are a part of one of the  branches of the armed forces, I thank you greatly for putting on said camo every day and going out there and doing what you do so I may sit here and have the freedom to rant and rave over such trivial things such as fashion.