It’s nice hearing you’re great. It’s nice hearing a person appreciates all the things you do for them and how you open yourself up to them and how you give your feelings freely to them.
It’s not nice feeling like those things are not enough for them to want to continue on in a relationship with you.
In fact, it’s much worse than “not nice,” it’s more like devastating. It’s soul crushing to feel like you are not enough. And when you are dumped, there’s a very good chance you will spend a lot of time feeling exactly that. Sure, the person you are being dumped by may say it’s nothing you did and that you are, in fact, great, but that does nothing to ease the feeling of not being enough for them. Your friends, your family, anyone will probably tell you you are enough. You gave everything you had, and that was enough. You being you is enough. You being open to loving someone is enough. But, after the person you have fallen in love with gives you the “you are great, but…” talk, you will likely not believe any of this.
You will feel like if you were better in any number of ways the person would want to be with you still. No matter the reasons they are actually ending the relationship, in my case distance and not feeling ready to be in a serious relationship, you will still think it’s you. It has to be you. It has to be things you did. Or things you didn’t do. You question everything about yourself. You think back on your relationship and question every time that person made you feel great and every time you thought you were more than enough for them because of how perfectly things felt, and this makes you think surely you must have missed some huge sign. You must have gotten something wrong. There were no fights or unhappiness or areas of life you completely disagreed on, so it must have been you. More than ever you are certain you are not great. In fact, you think you aren’t even good. Not good enough to receive back the love you have given. It is one of the worst feelings in the world, and there’s no way to cure it. People can tell you until they’re blue in the face that you are great, that you are enough, but when you have been left heartbroken, it’s fairly impossible to believe.
Among all the terrible parts of going through a breakup; the feeling of loss knowing you won’t have that person you were so close with to talk to everyday, the end of all the future plans you’ve made with them, the knowledge that you’ll never fall asleep and wake up in their arms and have that wonderful feeling like all is right in the world, among the myriad of feelings constantly swirling in your head, one of the worst will be feeling like it is all happening because you were not enough.