Did You Wash Those Pants in Windex?

Y’all, we need to have a serious talk about…pick up lines. They are THE WORST. I mean, they are great for laughs and all, but I’m guessing they are one of those things that are kind of like ‘60% of the time, it works every time’, e.g. not very successful. The cheese factor alone on some of them is cringe worthy. But, all hope is not lost in the pick up line department. In fact, they’d be downright fantastic, if only they were just a bit more creative. So here’s some lines that 100% of the time, will work every time on me.

“They accidentally gave me an extra side of bacon, would you like it?”

“Thalia was the muse of comedy…I bet the name fits you perfectly.”

“I’d love to meet you for coffee, but only if we go somewhere we can put five flavored creamers in it.”

“You look like the celebrities in US Weekly caught running out for groceries, effortlessly gorgeous.”

“I think every meal is made better with cheese, don’t you agree?”

“Have you ever seen Mystery Science Theater 3000?”

“Who is your celebrity crush? Mine is Tina Fey.”

“If you be my Tami, I’ll be your Coach Taylor.”

And finally, if your pick up line involves a Jake Ryan quote, well, consider the deal sealed.

I want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love, that’s gonna love me back. Is that psycho?”tumblr_m5fsjexTEZ1rqtw44o1_500

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