The Most (Un)Wonderful Time of the Year?

Y’all, being single doesn’t REALLY suck. I mean, it’s not always ideal, and for some people it’s a fate worse than death, but for me, it’s not that bad. There are worse things in this world than being single, like being stuck in a dark cave listening to a never-ending playlist of Nickelback, Creed, and Rascal Flatts (apologies if those are your favorite bands. Seriously, apologies to your ears.). If you have good friends and good family and lots of good activities to keep your social life busy, being single just ain’t all that bad. Except for on one occasion… HOLIDAYS.

I have a feeling a lot of non-single people are going to disagree with me on this one and be like “But Thalia, you just don’t realize how easy you have it! No dealings with in-laws and kids and trying to fit in his family’s Thanksgiving and your family’s and figuring out what to buy him for Christmas, etc, etc, etc.” All valid points, I’m sure, but if that’s the case then all I have to say is feel free to get your own blog to write about those complaints, because I ain’t tryna hear it, ya heard?

Here’s a few reasons why holidays are unfriendly to the singleton:

Office Parties
When I started working in the corporate world nothing excited me more than the possibility of a big, fancy holiday party. And boy did I get everything my heart desired when I attended my old company in Denver’s holiday bash. It was at a hotel, it was swanky (I got to dress up for once!!!), the food was amazing, the bar was OPEN, there was good music, and we even got discounts on posh rooms overlooking downtown Denver with late check outs and spa services. When I heard about this wonderfulness I had visions of eating good sushi and drinking good wine and stumbling up to my room with my dreamy date, but soon realized taking a casual date to a company party is tantamount to introducing them to your family. These are the people who see you more than your family. Think your aunts and uncles can embarrass you with stories?! Just wait til your coworkers get a few in them and start rambling on about the time you burst into the wrong conference room and in an attempt to make a hasty exit, fell smack on your face through the doorway. No, casual dates are not the way to go at corporate functions. So it’s either significant other or stag. Don’t get me wrong, I still had fun when I went stag, but let’s just say I didn’t end up cuddled up in a plush king sized bed with room service breakfast. Nope, instead I got tossed a few pity slow dances from my supervisor’s husband and then ended up drunk and shoeless, dancing in a gay bar.

Holiday Cards
Now, friends and family reading this, please know that I LOVE receiving your cards. It’s just there’s no better way to be reminded of your singleness than being presented with card after card of “Look how adorable my significant other/kids/animals and I are!” A coworker suggested that I pick out a few favorite pictures taken over the year, because it has been a huge year for me, and making a collage to send as my card. I considered the idea, found some cute pictures taken at concerts, ballgames, girl’s nights, and on my trip abroad, but I soon realized every single picture included me holding a beer. Or a glass of wine. Or a WHOLE BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE. “Yes, friends and family, you may have adorable children, but I have BOOZE!” I am guessing this isn’t what’s meant by holiday “spirit”…

Family Get Togethers
Another pitfall of being single is going solo to family functions. I know, I know, family gatherings don’t scream “date night!” But, at 30 I have yet to spend a full holiday with a significant other and my family. This bums me out for two reasons: 1) My family has fun on holidays and it’d be pretty swell to share the eat a little too much, drink a little too much, get a little too loud while playing games-ness of my family with someone and 2) I am the ONLY single person in my family. Well, this isn’t technically true. Everyone under the legal driving age is single. And me. Me and the kids. Yep, even people younger than me are married with kids now. Imagine how much fun that is! Props to my family though for not really being one of those “When are you finally going to find someone?” types of families because I’ve seen my friends suffer through that horror and am pretty happy to not be subjected to it (much).

Presents
It’s no secret, I LOVE getting presents. (But really, who doesn’t?) But here’s the presents part of the holidays that makes me bummed to be single- giving gifts. I know the present part of the holiday season tends to stress a lot of people out, but not me. I am a gift giving genius when it comes to significant others. Seriously, I’ve gotten pretty damn good at it. When I’m gaga about a guy I love spoiling him when it comes to gifts and I have a knack for getting guy gifts right. I have even purchased Denver Broncos paraphernalia for a former flame, I was just that excited to give someone I loved something they would love. Stellar mixed tapes? Your favorite baked goods? Tickets to that random band that we both secretly love? Something dirty that I won’t go into detail about because my mom and aunts read this? Better believe I have every base covered. I usually have these gifts all ready to go by the beginning of December and it’s pure torture trying to keep quiet about them!

So how does one keep from getting the single girl holiday blues? Well, for one, don’t sit at home watching Love Actually on repeat (just trust me on this one, it will do nothing but make you a puffy-eyed mess). Focus on what you do have- good family, good friends, and a good social calendar! Get to planning a fabulous holiday outing for you and your fellow single pals. Celebrate the fact that, while you may not have everything you want in your life- like someone to kiss under mistletoe or watch Meet Me in St. Louis with or put together ridiculously large Christmas gifts for- you have plenty to be thankful for. And, if all else fails, in my experience you rely heavily on boozey eggnog, enjoy absurd amounts of whipped cream on pumpkin pie, and use the money you would have spent on a significant other’s present to treat yo self to the new boots you’ve been eyeing and maybe a nice hot stone massage. And, if even that fails to make you appreciate the holiday spirit in a single state, then you have my permission to watch Love Actually on repeat…or at least, watch this part of it:hugh-grant-dancing-o

You’re welcome. AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

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