Secret Sunday

And so it returns!

Yesterday I went to see The Conjuring with one of my aunts. I know this movie isn’t everyone’s idea of a good time, but me? I LOVE scary movies. There’s always those first 15 minutes of the movie where I really regret walking into the theatre because it’s dark and I just know something terrible is about to happen on the giant screen in front of me. But I quickly get over it for the entertainment value. Scary movies often make me laugh because of the mass quantities of corn syrup-y blood or ridiculous looking demons and I have a hard time imagining these things truly scare anyone. But then I remember, everyone has something that scares them. Most fears are rational and justifiable- losing loved ones, failing, being alone- you know, those big fears that plague most of us, including me. But fear can come in many forms, even if it’s something irrational, like fake blood being splattered across a screen in a manner in which would probably never happen in real life (I mean, being terrorized by razor toothed fish? Yeah, I’m looking at your Piranha…). So here are those irrational fears for me…


I highly doubt this is really an irrational fear since so many people are terrified of these makeup heavy, red wigged wearing creeps. No explanation needed here. Just SCARY.

The Dark

I know, people usually get over this when they’re like eight years old. But for me, it just kind of got worse. Luckily, in a movie theatre the film usually provides enough light to keep me from totally freaking out. But while I’m in bed at night, if the room is too dark for me to not be able to make out everything in it, I usually have to pull out my phone and start perusing the web or something on it or have my kindle out just so the light from it keeps me from getting too anxious. Oh, and making a trip to the bathroom in the middle of the night? Better believe the lights get turned on in every room I have to go through to get to it, and even weirder? I’m holding my breath until I can get those light switches flipped on.  I’m. A. Wuss.

Being Stabbed

I’m walking down the street, and someone stabs me. Yes, for years I have been terrified of that randomly happening. I know this one weirds people out when I tell them, which could be why I never really make it a point to bring it up (picture me and my finally found Jake Ryan clone on our third date and me dropping the ‘oh yeah, I’m just super terrified of being stabbed, no big deal’ bomb…). I think most people, in general, don’t like the idea of ever being stabbed, but they probably don’t actively fear it. But here’s the deal, many years ago I had a nightmare. I don’t remember the details, but I remember this… my sister was next to me and for some reason she took out a knife and stabbed me in the thigh. Not like viciously or anything, she just did it like it was an everyday occurrence, so in a way the nightmare was kind of (darkly) funny. What wasn’t funny was waking up and remembering what it felt like when that knife pierced my skin. Seriously, that part was terrifying.

Okay, and for something a little less dark and twisted…

The Bottom of the Lake

I can’t even. Y’all, I just can’t deal. The bottom of the ocean kind of terrifies me as well, but for some reason, a lake is just too much. And for as much as I LOVE being out on the lake, this is kind of a problem. The water is dark, you can’t see through it, you have no idea what’s down there…for all you know lurking under all that mud could be DEAD BODIES. Animal bodies, fish bodies, HUMAN BODIES. And your feet could just be there, touching them. AGHHHH! I’m having a physical response to this thought as I type it. Utterly horrifying.

So there you have it, dear readers. You know now all the ways to scare the bajeezus out of me. Now what scares the bajeezus out of you?



The (Un)Wonderful World of Dating: Take Two

You can guess that if there are some pretty decent size gaps in between posts it is either because I’m putting in a lot of time at the gym or I’m focusing on making my romantic life seem a little less like this…


Well, as a lot of my pants have been on the tight side lately, I can guarantee you that my lack of posts have not been from excessive gym visits. So yes, dear readers, I have once again thrown myself back into the (un)wonderful world of dating.

I had hopes that a change in location would bring a change in dating prospects. No. Incorrect. Same shit, different city. If anything, it’s almost a little worse here. There seems to be this strange phenomenon in KC. I’ve discussed it with quite a few of the single girlfriends I’ve been making here, so I know it’s not just me, but it goes a little something like this… You meet a guy. You two don’t find each other totally repulsive, so you exchange numbers to meet again and find out if you can continue to find each other non-repulsive. A few days later he texts you, no, doesn’t call, texts. And he keeps texting. Just about his day, about your day, about what he should grab for lunch, about all the rain, about his neighbor’s dog, about ANYTHING. Anything other than setting up an actual date. What the fuuuuuck? What is this weirdness? I mean, us KC girls aren’t crazy, this is weird, right? First, what ever happened to picking up the phone and actually calling to ask someone out for a date. Is that too old fashioned to hope for? And second, listen guys, I really don’t want a play by play of your day. Hearing about what you had on your pizza is the kind of shit you have to be interested in after you go on said dates and fall into relationship mode. Meeting a few of these guys really hasn’t given me the greatest confidence in the KC dating scene. But, unless I want to continue living a life of spinsterdom with my loving Mr. Squiggles, I must wade my way through these  murky dating waters.

Now, as much as there are the typical guys looking for less than romantic type connections, and guys fall under the “not quite divorced” category, and of course those guys who just seem to want to text endlessly about any and every thing, there probably are some decent ones out there…I just happen to have not stumbled across those decent ones yet. And okay, even that’s not 100% true. There are a few that, even though they aren’t perfect for me, have made this whole dating thing not so terrible. After being through so many heartbreaks and doing first dates with a few too many toads, I’ve probably just gotten a little too picky.  Not every guy I’ve met has been like this…tumblr_mc4409tZtB1qmnvbmo1_500

But then again, it’s a little hard not to be picky when you’ve been waiting to see this on a first date for 30 years… tumblr_m8zu5oqRcP1qhc9d1o1_500

A little unrealistic? Probably. But come on men of the world, just be a little more Jake Ryan-y already!

Tomorrow is yet another day in dating paradise. So far it seems okay. Nothing like Jake Ryan waiting for me outside a church, but spending a few hours at the museum, high on my list of favorite places in KC, with a guy who seems to not be looking for unromantic type connections, isn’t currently married, and actually used my number to set said museum date instead of abusing it with hundreds of banal texts, so who knows, maybe this could be the one that ends up being even better than Jake Ryan.

Or maybe not. I guess a gal can never know unless you keep putting yourself through that (un)wonderful world of dating.