Y’all…I’M MOVIN’ ON UP! Well, to be more accurate, I’m movin’ on East. I’m sure you’ve noticed that posts have been few and far between since the new year and the move is the reason. The idea to leave the great state of Colorado has been percolating in my brain for quite some time, but since it became a certainty it has pretty much taken over my life. The anxiety, fear, anticipation, and excitement of it has been all consuming, so writing about anything aside from this has seemed impossible. And not that I’ve really had a ton of spare minutes to consider writing at all. Lately it’s all work, planning, work, planning, work, planning – all day, every day. Since giving notice at work I’ve been going on overdrive to wrap things up there. And, of course, since this whole moving plan has come to fruition, aside from working I have done little else besides booking uhauls and movers, getting rid of unnecessary crap and, of course, look tirelessly at craigslist and stressing over finding a new place to live. As if apartment hunting weren’t hard enough – the current place always wanting 30 days notice even though new places aren’t usually posted until a week or two before availability – it’s about a million times more difficult when doing it from 600 miles away. Let me just spare you more details and say, it’s all been a ton of leisurely fun! (Typed boldly in my patented sarcasm font.)
Let me tell you what else is very (sarcastically) fun – people’s questions! As soon as I tell someone of my plans to move I get this: “Do you have a job lined up there?”
NO. No, no, NO. I know, I know, I have a pretty well paying, nicely benefited job here, so one would assume that I must have an even better paying position lined up to make me want to up and leave my job here. When I tell these people ‘no’ they pretty much meet my response with this:
To which I meet that response with this:
Yep. Insane. In our economic climate it is insanity to leave such a cushy job. I will be the first to admit I have always gone on record saying I would never leave one job, no matter how much I hated it (which, to be clear, I do not), without having another one lined up because being unemployed TERRIFIES me. But, sometimes terrifying things must be done, right? (No, seriously, right?! I’m still looking for assurance on this one!)
But, being unemployed isn’t the only thing that terrifies me. Here’s a little backstory… The last time I picked up and moved somewhere I ended up pretty miserable. I was 19, I was having a shit time with college, and pretty much life in general, and I needed “fresh start”. Unfortunately, I confused “fresh start” with “running away”. I thought a change of location would immediately mean a change of life. But, the location changed and my problems did not. I ended up continuing to have a shit time with college, met almost no one, because really who wasn’t to meet Misery Mary (which is totally who I was), and that new location? Yeah, it didn’t change any of my problems, probably because the only thing that could change them was me actually working on them. So, point being, even though I am in a completely different place (mentally) now, moving to a new place (physically) still frightens me. I still have those scary flashbacks of knowing next to no one and gaining about 15 pounds in four months from absolute boredom.
So why do it? Why go do something that feels terrifying in all these different ways?
I’ll be honest, when I first started thinking about leaving good ol’ CO it was mainly for running away reasons. The Ex had dumped me. Two of my very good friends had dumped me. My nice life here went through a very sudden, and very major, upheaval. Everyday on my way to work my bus would pass by The Ex’s street and I would be slapped with a huge wave of misery. I had to see these people and all the places we frequented on a daily basis and I hated it. I needed to move. I needed to leave these people and places and all would be well. Sounds a bit familiar, eh? Luckily, I am not 19 anymore. I have at least achieved some wisdom with my old age because I knew moving would not make this bad time any better. But, day after day, despite how good or bad I may have been feeling about life, I still had these thoughts that I really was ready for a change of locale. So, I made myself wait for a year. That gave me time to work through the shitty period I was in and ensure that a potential departure would be done for the right reasons, not the running away reasons. And lo and behold, a year passed, and I was still ready for change.
Now, I know most people flee from the Midwest to Colorado, and not the other way around, to get away from humidity and get to a beautiful, mountainous location where hiking and skiing and to all that mountain lifestyle has to offer, so this is probably another reason people give me a perplexed look when I tell I’m abandoning CO for the plains. Why Missouri, people keep asking? If you’re leaving this amazing place, why not make it for some place even more amazing? Well, I’m not saying MO was my only potential location, Austin was VERY high on my list of places to go (especially on a freezing cold day like today. Trust me, I’d love nothing more than to go some place where winter barely exists.), but MO still won out as the new location that will soon be blessed with my presence and the reason all boils down to a simple cliche – home is where the heart is. My heart has long left CO. Nothing against this beautiful state (although, God will I love living in a place where people aren’t obsessed with winter – skiing, snowmobiling, tubing, boarding, cross country’ing – any and everything having to do with snow) because there is much about CO I will miss. But, one thing MO has that CO does not is my family. Aside from my mom (and sister in Oregon), my family resides in MO. And, it must be said, I love my family. Being closer to them has always been a huge draw for heading back to the Heartland. Because there is one thing I know for sure, despite being terrified, I know that if it takes me a long time to find a new job, or the change does start feeling overwhelming and I catch myself gaining pizza pounds due to loneliness, I have this amazing group of people who will be there to pull the doughy, decadent deliciousness out of my hand and keep me certain that this change is going to be a great change.