Lessons to be Learned

I’m a pretty smart gal. But for a smart gal, I still am making some pretty dumb mistakes. And yeah, mistakes are bound to happen, but there are a handful I seem to make over and over again. Well, no more, damnit! Before that ever looming 3-0 creeps up on me, there are some lessons that once and for all need to be learned….


Just because it tastes good/feels good/looks good/tells me I look good doesn’t mean it will be worth the calories/hangover/price tag/heartbreak that will come a long it..

When a guy tells me he loves me while he’s drunk or while we are in the middle of, ahem, coitus (God, I hate that word) for the first time, I should almost always take it with a grain of salt.

Just because the amazingly fabulous pumps feel okay while I’m walking around in them at the shoe store, doesn’t mean they will feel that okay while I’m wearing them for three hours in a bar or at a party that same night. Break those suckers in first, damnit!

Dying my hair may seem like THE BEST IDEA EVER, but is it worth the millions of split ends I will spend the next few months obsessing over?

Even though it’s amazing to be the type of person who will do anything for people you love, sometimes I really do have to put myself first.

My lady doctor will always be running 45 minutes behind. Just remember to bring your book already!

Halloween and New Year’s Eve will almost never be as much fun as I’ve hyped it up to be no matter what I wear or where I go, so going forward quit hyping it up and find awesome people, go someplace fun, and wear something comfortable (but still sexy, of course).

Don’t dry that cotton shirt on high unless I plan on being 15 pounds lighter the next time I wear it.

Just because I have cash in my wallet does not mean it needs to be spent.

My college degree may be a bullshit degree in real life (come on, English majors, it’s pretty much true) but it still deserves some respect.

Watching a movie or show or reading a book with a really awesome father character in it doesn’t make my life any less awesome just because I don’t have one in my life as cool (or at all, really).

When I go to Target for static guard I don’t HAVE to walk out of the store with bronzer, candles, pomade, yoga pants, and a ridiculous sized maternity shirt that I am are sure will pass as a tunic when paired with leggings. The universe will not implode if I merely walk out with just the static guard!

When I yell “LET’S DO SHOTS!”, that is exactly the time I don’t need to be taking shots.

Being single and without children and a great career path when I turn 30 doesn’t make me a loser or unaccomplished. This more than anything is what I need to get through my fairly large cranium. I may not be where a lot of other 30 year olds are, but it could be worse. I could be living in a van down by the river.


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