So far my online dating life is a lot like I expected it to be, spending way too much time sifting through poorly written emails and mentally giving the authors of them one of these:
And it’s not even just the poor spelling. It’s the men who are in their mid-40’s winking and messaging and liking my photos. Sorry buddy, I may have a mild amount of daddy issues, but, as my age range clearly states, I cut off the potential mates at 34. It’s also the guys sending me one line emails, usually something along the lines of, ‘Hey, how’s your day?’ or ‘You seem nice.’ Well, thanks for the note, buddy, but is that one line really supposed to reel the ladies in? If you’re going to make your message brief, at least make it a one line zinger that will make me laugh, not bore me to tears even if heard in person. Then there are the guys who don’t make any contact at all, just view my profile a couple times a day and as me as a favorite (a favorite what??) and give me the general creeper vibe. Oh, and let’s not get me started on the guy who at first sent a normal sounding email, then proceeded to send one five hours later asking for a chance to show how nice he was…and then again eight hours saying he’d be so upset if I wouldn’t just meet him for one coffee. Or the guy who actually really piqued my interest in the first email, the responded to my reply completely drunk (I could just smell the booze coming out of the email – it was that bad). Again, the creeper vibe comin’ on strongly.
I know what you must be thinking, ‘Whoa there, Judge Judy!’ But you know what? Judging is exactly what I need to be doing. I paid 60 damn dollars to be on this website specifically so I could weed out the weirdos and possibly find a decent date or two.
If I can’t find a mate in the online world, you better be damn sure I’m going to amuse myself by getting my judge on.
Don’t let the judginess fool you though. I may be scrutinizing these potential suitors with a harsh eye, but that doesn’t mean I’ve already completely given up hope on the whole process. Despite the older gents and the boring fellows and the lurker lads I am cautiously optimistic. Maybe not that I will find Mr. Right, but that I will at least find a fun person to grab dinner with and cajole into partaking in my random movie selections.
So far, I’ve gone on one date and have three more lined up for the next week or so. The first date? Not so hot. The setting was good, trivia at a bar downtown so that at least if we had nothing to talk about he could be wowed by my plethora of random knowledge. The company was good-ish, he was nice and laughed when I made jokes and purchased my glasses of wine at the end of the evening. But the spark? The spark was not good. It was non-existent. (Also, side bar: he most definitely lied about his height on his profile. While I do like a taller man, I have nothing against shorter ones. What I do have something against is fibbing about something as trivial as height. If that’s lie-worthy, what other facts are you stretching?)
The good part about the first date finally happening is that I now at least know I’m not as bad at this as I thought I was. Yes, I still dislike dating, but at least I’m not horrible at it. I make fantastic witty banter and have learned to carry conversations when they aren’t flowing easily. And, I’ve become MUCH more comfortable with myself, this seems to be key in my new found (mediocre) dating skills.
- At least only one of these statements is true now.
Potential suitors 2, 3, and 4 haven’t exactly given me the zsa-zsa-zsu’s yet, but I reckon that’s hard to get from any person online. All three have interested me in different ways, so I’m at least willing to see how it all plays out. Even if no matches come from all of this, at the very least I can now consider myself an anthropologist of sorts. A judge-y anthropologist scrutinizing the world wide web of dating masses one profile at a time.