Secret Sunday

This Secret Sunday is dedicated to my foray into internet dating. Yes, after many, MANY people have attempting to talk me into this, I have finally given in. I finally put on my big girl pants and figured nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? So, why not. Why not put my personal business out there and see what happens. The worst case scenario is I end up kidnapped and turned into a skin suit (yes, my mind has the capacity to go to some scary places when I am trying to talk myself out of doing something) and the best case is I meet a halfway normal, upstanding gentleman and I enter back into the world of the dating. Given, it’s not exactly how I wanted to meet said upstanding gentleman. I had more romantic notions of meeting someone in a bookstore or grocery store and bonding over going for the last copy of Gillian Flynn’s latest book or a box of Chebe gluten free pizza crusts and then being wooed and courted in a rather romantic fashion, and yes, so maybe I have been picturing Mark Darcy or Matthew Crawley while imaging this, but still… I had a vision in my head of how I wanted my dating life to go, and maybe it was a rather BBC influenced version, but weeding through emails and winks just wasn’t how I ever imagined it. But, growing up is all about learning that things don’t always go as you plan them to and unless I want to be a cat lady who only has date nights with the men of BBC, then maybe weeding through emails from potential beaus (or weirdos) isn’t the worst thing in the world…

In any case here are my initial inner thoughts (and I do mean initial, less than 24 hours type initial) on the world of online dating.

1. Winking is for wankers.

I’m sorry, but the whole winking thing is about as cool as being poked by someone on Facebook, and that’s not cool at all. I’ve been on the site for about 7 hours and there’s already 31random guys virtually closing one eyelid at me (which is what I think of people winking at me  in real life. It just isn’t a sexy act to me).

2. Some people clearly do not know that less is more.

Do I need your whole life story in your About Me statement? No. Leave a little something to the imagination, folks!

3. Posting pictures with old girlfriends.

Just don’t.

4. Grammar/spelling snobs make for the worst online daters.

I very nearly wanted to make my headline, “If you can’t spell and form a sentence, please do not make contact with me!” but then I realized that was a little over the top. But, 12 messages in and over a third of them even look like they are comprised of something other than English. You could be Tom Hardy and it’s likely I wouldn’t reply to a message like that. (Okay, well that’s a blatant lie. If it was Tom Hardy and if in some ridiculous, crazy alternate universe he were seeking me out on a dating website, of course I would reply.)

5. I am a little, just slightly scared.

Online dating always kind of felt like that last resort to me. It wasn’t something I ever wanted to do just for fun, it was more like if I am really ready to see what’s out there and meet someone, maybe I’ll finally do it. So now I’ve done it. And now I am more than a little scared it will result in the same way the rest of my dating attempts have: me still single with my imaginary cat, Mr. Squiggles, watching BBC shows wondering when my Matthew Crawley will come along. Kind of a less than desirable thought, no? But, at the end of the day, it all goes back to that cliche, nothing ventured, nothing gained. If I don’t just suck it up and try something new, than nothing new will ever happen, good or bad. I’m sure, if anything, this will give me plenty of good material for posts here, so stayed tuned, dear readers. More to come in the exciting world of online dating!

Secret Sunday

I think it’s been well established that I’m a bit…peculiar. But in no area is this peculiar-ness more apparent than food. Yes, food. Personally, I think all the things I like and dislike are totally normal and in no way am I a picky eater (this is probably not true, but hey, we all like to think the best of ourselves, right?) but one person who knows me quite well seems to think otherwise and has requested that one of my Secret Sundays address these peculiarities. So, here are a few of my food oddities. (Edit: While I do have my food preferences, if someone is cooking something for me, I will almost always at least try it. For instance, I’m pretty sure Long Distance Lover made me breakfast burritos while I was in Cali that contained, gasp, sausage. But you know what? I ate it and loved it [probably because it was made by a sexy man…and was really spicy. Make anything spicy and I’ll likely enjoy it.].)

1. I hate most all forms of pork.

The clear exception to this is bacon, because everything is better with bacon, but most pork products really gross me out. Sausage patties? Ick. The smell, let alone the taste, could not disgust me more. Oh, and don’t get me started on pork chops. Adding apples to those things do nothing to make them more appetizing in my eye! I will also occasionally eat a ham sandwich, though, or some really delicious, spicy green chili if the pork chunks aren’t too outrageously over-sized.. Oh, and I LOVE hot dogs (but can hot dogs really be considered pork?)

2. I won’t eat meatloaf or meatballs, but I love hamburgers.

I don’t know what it is about ground beef. Put it in hamburger form and I could eat it almost everyday. Have it all ground up in tacos and I won’t touch the things!

3. Fruits.

I like most fruits. What I don’t like is when people insist on putting fruit in dishes other than fruit salad or jello or pies. Apples and cranberries in salads? Pineapple on pizza? Mandarin oranges in pasta? NO! Stop this madness immediately! And while we’re on the topic of fruit, this is one (of the many) things that alcohol almost always makes better. Orange juice? Eh. Only if I’m sick. But, add some champagne and I’m all about it. Blueberries? Not my bag. Blueberry vodka? Why yes, I’d love some! (The reverse of this is, unfortunately, also true though. Love pears, hate pear vodka.)

4. Love seafood. Love spicy food. Hate Cajun food.

To date, I have never had a Cajun dish that I’ve enjoyed. The same can be said about Indian food. How can it be that something like curry is so spicy and I don’t like it? Even this baffles me!

5. Chicken

Ugh. I love it, I hate, I love it, I have no interest, I hate it, I hate it. It’s a wacky relationship. Baked chicken? Gross! So dry and lacking of flavor. No matter how many different ways I try and dress it up, I just can’t make myself love it. Chicken wings? Swoon! Make ’em spicy and saucy and I’m a happy gal. Fried chicken? If it’s homemade, sure. If it’s KFC? No, thank you. Chicken alfredo, chicken enchiladas, chicken nuggets, chicken salad? Meh. I won’t order those at a restaurant, but if you put it in front of me, I’ll likely take a bite or two. Chicken soup? NO THANK YOU! Not even if I’m sick. In fact, I can think of no dish I’d hate more than if someone made chicken soup, threw in some blueberries and head cheese and made it with a curry broth. Stick that in front of me and you’d have me eating a grilled grasshopper before I even took one whiff of that dish!