You know that feeling when you first meet someone and it is almost overwhelming how great the person is? How each morning is met with a little more excitement because you know you’ll hear from that person and every part of you anticipates his first text of the day? When your work productivity sees just the slightest decrease because you were up until 3am talking and spend most of the day replying to sexy, witty texts? How your first “I miss you” is met with “I’m keenly feeling your absence. I miss you, too.” and you think nothing can feel better than being missed by this wonderful person who actually uses words like “keenly” and punctuates texts correctly? That feeling when even just being with him makes a trip to Target more fun and you let yourself, just for a minute, think you wouldn’t mind making your next hundred trips to Target with him? Yes, those feelings are simply amazing.
Which only makes it worse to notice, suddenly, your last texts to him hasn’t been replied to in three days. And no, not just happen to notice, more like have been noticing every two minutes for the last 96 hours, even finding yourself waking up at 4am just willing your phone to show some signs of life. And for those last three days having the Band of Horses song “No One’s Going to Love You” seemingly on repeat in your head, your mind’s own personal sad soundtrack needling at the mass of confusing feelings already running rampant in your mind. It makes it worse because while you’re looking at your silent phone you go through the last few months, weeks, days wondering where did the good go? When did “I miss you” start turning into “I’m finding myself not thinking of you as often as I was and am okay waiting until tomorrow morning to reply to your last text because I seemed to have lost that lovin feelin”? When people are romantically involved and things are going SO well, except for maybe little hiccups like, oh say, 1100 miles separating you, and then all the sudden things just…stop, what is it that happens?! Where do all those previous feelings and warm, fuzzy thoughts go to? When nothing has changed on your end, when you’ve had no fights, when you are still that same lovely, witty, adorable but sexy person that attracted this other person to you in the first place, what is it that leads to something new and wonderful, fizzling and fading?
I wish I could say these are rhetorical questions to which I will suddenly spout a mass of information that will lead to clarity for all readers in the same situation, but, sadly, I cannot. This is just me asking, because I really want to know, where does the goddamn good go?