As I previously posted, one of my goals before turning 30 was to do something that scares me. Well, there’s still about eight months left before the big 3-0 and I’m excited to say I can now cross this off my list.
If you’ve talked to me in the last month or so you may have heard me mention going to California to visit a boy once or twice (okay, okay, or more like ten or twenty times). While I was very excited about this, because this is a boy I am excited about, it also really scared me. Anyone who has been through a break up knows that the experience can leave a person feeling once bitten, twice shy. Well, after a few bad break ups I was feeling more like five times bitten, fifty times shy. I know, I know… I’m not the only person who has experience in this, but, because of this, it isn’t hard to imagine why putting myself out there for a new boy had me feeling me scared and going 900 miles to see a boy was about as out there as I’ve ever put myself.
As soon as my flights were booked I started thinking how nothing good could come from this trip. If it was a bust, I’d be losing out on vacation days and frequent flyer miles. If it was good, I’d be liking a boy who is 900 MILES AWAY and we all know that the long distance thing is a pain in the ass and causes nothing but drama and how are we ever going to figure out what this is if we never get to spend time together? And what if this is just a crazy summer fling and I’m completely wrong about what I’ve been feeling? And would I be okay if it was just a fling? These were just the start of the crazy-girl-over-thinking-everything thoughts I was having, but, regardless of how crazy the thoughts may have been, I was still scared at the prospect of ending up hurt.
Well, I ended up putting on my big girl pants and working some mind magic to totally change how I was thinking about the whole situation. If the trip was a bust, all I’d be losing is a few vacation days and some frequent flyer miles. Worse things to lose when a trip to the airport is involved, right? And if it was good, then it was GOOD! There are multiple ways to get through 900 miles when properly motivated and is there any better motivation than a boy who is smart and funny and sexy and makes your knees feel like jello when you kiss? Because I certainly can’t think of any.
And in case you were wondering…
The trip wasn’t good. It was AMAZING. I have a full and proper crush. And I’m now doing something that scares me even more. I’m just going with it. Things between us remain in the new and fresh stage, which is exciting, but scary since I will be the first to say that I’m not great at not knowing where I stand with a boy I’m full on crushing on. But, just this once I’ve decided to do something that scares me… Trust a boy and just go with it.