The Oh-No-No’s List

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Right there with ya, Tom.

The Oh-No-No’s. Everyone’s got them. Whether it’s something as fundamental as religion or politics, or something trivial like preferring grape jelly to cherry jam on your morning toast, there are dealbreakers in every relationship. Now, from reading my previous posts you may be thinking to yourself ‘Camo! Camo has got to be the dealbreaker!’ Well, you’d be thinking wrong. If I’m truly into a guy he can get away with a lot fashion wise and I’ll be smitten just the same. (Trust me. I once had a guy I was dating wear {lightly} plaid printed pants with a striped shirt to a work soiree, and I was still pleased as pie to have him as my date for the evening.) I try not to have any Oh-No-No’s related to fashion because it is an ever evolving part of one’s self (and, honestly, if a guy is wearing something you truly hate, it’s pretty dang easy to get him to stop wearing it. Ladies, we do have this power.). Instead, my Oh-No-No’s are a random mish-mashing of odd (and truly not odd…come on, being ultra conservative? What liberal person wouldn’t have that on their list?) things that can make me run from a person fast enough to leave a cartoon dust cloud in my wake. So here it is. The official Thalia’s Oh-No-No’s List:

1. Right Wing Nut Jobs

Ok, being Republican is one thing. One thing I can deal with if need be. But, if Ann Coulter is your dream woman, you are not the man me for me.

2. Chain smokers

3. Addictions of any sort

The only thing you should be addicted to is me.

4. Being addicted to me

In reference to number 3, just kidding. Please, do not be addicted to me. I’ve been there, done that in a relationship and it was bad news. Please, have your own life, your own friends, your own need for “me time,” because I sure as shit have a need for my “me time” as well.

5. Chronic misuse of its/it’s, they’re/their/there, effect/affect, our/are, etc

Yes, mistakes are easily made when you are, say, drunk texting at 1am, but please don’t make a habit of this. Also, please never send me this text, “wat u up 2 2nte sxy,” because I can promise you, it will never be answered.

6. Foot fetish

7. Not loving Parks & Rec/30 Rock/Friday Night Lights/Saturday Night Live/Dexter/Sons of Anarchy

 Ok, you don’t have to love these shows, but if it is raining out and we both have the day off, at least humor me with a TV marathon/cuddle day.

8. Inability to take a joke/tell a joke/laugh at my jokes

Life is way too hard to not just laugh it out as often as possible.

9. Never saying “Bless you” when I sneeze

True, maybe my heart doesn’t really need blessing for the few nano-seconds it stops while I sneeze, but if you can’t even say this, it leads me to believe you also won’t be there to pour me some OJ or fetch me some Advil while I’m sick. And yes, never taking care of me when I’m sick is a one way ticket to Dumpsville.

10. Don’t ever, under any circumstances, try and make me call you “Daddy.”

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